


The Mistletoe

by TheNightFury



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: 5+1 Things, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Idiots in Love, Life Day (Star Wars), M/M, Mistletoe, mistletoe kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:47:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28354182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNightFury/pseuds/TheNightFury
Summary: Five times Kallus was ambushed under the mistletoe and one time he ambushed someone.
Relationships: Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios
Comments: 50
Kudos: 133
Collections: Kalluzeb Secret Holiday Exchange 2020





	1. Hera

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ZoinksSc00b](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoinksSc00b/gifts).



Life day was something of an unknown for Alexsandr Kallus. Before joining the Empire his family had never been one’s to celebrate the holiday, usually too busy with their work to care about spending time with their son, and after he joined, the Empire made it clear that they frowned upon such celebrations. They were a waste of time. They were pointless. For most of his life, Kallus believed them. Due to this, most of his knowledge of the holiday came from cheesy holo novels he would sometimes indulge himself in during his off hours.

So when Sabine and Ezra out of the blue started hysterically giggling during a meeting with Captain Syndula, gleefully pointing above them where Chopper was maniacally laughing as he waved a mistletoe above their heads, Kallus was completely caught off guard.

“Chopper!” Hera snapped, glaring daggers at the astromech who merely innocently beeped at her. “What are you doing?”

Wedge said Kallus has a stick up his ass and needed to get some action. I’m just trying to help. Chopper innocently beeped, Kallus’s face heating up with both rage and embarrassment at the declaration. Wedge was discussing his sex life, or lack thereof at the moment, with Chopper? 

“That may be true,” Hera said, earning an incredulous stare from Kallus. Does everyone think he needs to get laid? “But this isn’t the way to do that.”

“I’m sorry but what in the makers name does mistletoe have anything to do with my….personal life.” Kallus asked, trying to ignore the deep feeling of humiliation that filled him. Why was his lack of sex life such a hot topic?

“Don’t you know about mistletoe?” Sabine asked, staring at him in shock. 

“Of course I’ve seen mistletoe before,” Kallus said. 

“What she means is,” Hera interrupted. “That traditionally when two people stand under a mistletoe they are supposed to kiss.” 

“K-kiss!” Kallus cried, stepping back from Hera, hands raised. “I uh- n-no I can-”

“Uh-uh!” Sabine said, all too eagerly jumping to her feet to push him back back towards Hera, “You’re both under the mistletoe, you have to kiss!”

“I-I don’t-”

“He doesn’t have to kiss anyone if he doesn’t want to,” Hera firmly said, placing a hand on Kallus’s chest to keep Sabine from pushing him any closer. 

“Oh come on, everyone knows it doesn’t mean anything anyways!” Sabine said, poking her head around Kallus’s back, seemingly to try and flash her a pair of puppy dog eyes. 

Besides, it's the rules! Chopper beeped from above, gleefully waving the mistletoe above their heads. 

“No, no,” Kanan declared as he walked up to Hera, “The rules only say someone has to kiss someone, not necessarily the two people under the mistletoe.”

“No it doesn’t-”

“Kanan’s right,” Hera said with a small smirk as Kallus gratefully backed away. “Mistletoe kiss’s can happen as long as one of the people under the mistletoe kisses someone.” 

“That doesn't-”

“You’re not going to win this fight,” Kanan said as he leaned down to tenderly peck Hera’s lips, earning a soft sigh from her as they pulled apart, Kanan whispering something into her ear. It was a painfully tender moment, Kallus’ chest tight as his mind flashed to an image of Zeb standing beside him whispering sweet nothings as they shared a soft kiss-

No he could not think like that. He and Zeb could not be together ever. Not after everything he had done. He was a monster, someone as good and wonderful and kind as Zeb deserved someone far better then him. He would treasure the friendship Zeb gave him that he was nowhere near deserving of and be happy. There was no other option.


	2. Fenn Rau

In retrospect, Kallus should have known that the kids wouldn’t leave him alone after one failed attempt to catch him under the mistletoe with someone. A part of him had hoped in vain that if it did continue it would at least remain on the Ghost where he could more easily watch out for it. Where he could more easily find himself trapped beneath it with someone he wanted to kiss but never could outside of the pretext of _having_ to because of a silly tradition. Kallus though would not be surprised if Fenn himself had been the one to arrange for this situation himself, the constant flirt couldn’t resist creating a socially constructed situation to try and steal a kiss from a less than willing party. 

He should have known something was wrong when Rau approached him with an all too eager swagger in his step as he approached Kallus who was elbow deep in encoded messages picked up from the Empire. 

“Whatever it is Rau I don’t have time,” Kallus said, not even bothering to spare him a second glance. 

“Take a look up,” Rau whispered into Kallus’s ear, Kallus instinctively jumping back from the close contact, looking up with a small groan as he saw the mistletoe hanging above their heads. 

“I would really rather not-” Kallus said. 

“Why not?” Rau asked, leaning into Kallus’s personal space. 

“Do I need a reason to not want to?” Kallus asked. 

“It’s just a mistletoe kiss,” Rau said, leaning in closer. “It doesn’t mean anything.” _Maybe not to you,_ Kallus thought. _But to me…._ How could he explain to someone like Rau a kiss was special, intimate. It was not something one did with just anyone. Not for him at least. _A kiss means I love you and I don’t._

“Hey Kallus!” A voice that was pure music to Kallus’s ears called with Fenn’s lips centimeters from his face. 

“Zeb!” Kallus said, turning away from Rau, ignoring his annoyed huff as he did so.

“Hera needs you on the Ghost, we’ve got a mission and she needs to brief you on it.”

“I will be right their-” Kallus gratefully said, walking away from the mistletoe, only for Rau to seductively purr, 

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“Nope,” Kallus firmly said.

“The mistl-”

“I am not kissing you because of some silly tradition!” Kallus snapped, Rau backing away with his hands raised saying, 

“Sorry I didn’t think it was such a big deal-”

“Hey if you need a kiss, I can help out,” Zeb declared, walking over to Rau and without warning, firmly pressing his lips against Rau’s, Kallus instinctively looking away to hide his blush, trying not to imagine himself being in Rau’s place, Zeb’s warm lips on his own-

“Huh, did not take you for such a good kisser.” Rau commented as Zeb pulled away, wrapping an arm around Kallus’s shoulders to lead him away.

“And I’ll leave ya wantin’ more.” Zeb said with a smirk. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” Kallus mumbled, willing his still warm cheeks to cool, trying to will the image of Zeb and Rau kissing out of his head. Trying to ignore how much Zeb seemed to enjoy it. 

“Well yeh were clearly uncomfortable and I didn’t want ta leave you like that,” Zeb said with a shrug, Kallus trying not to think about Zeb’s warm body pressed against his side. This was where he belonged, pressed against the warmth of Zeb’s presence that chased away the cold and darkness, with the man who brought out the good in him, that pushed him to be better. He saw all of the ugly inside him but still chose to be his friend. 

Friend. The word left a bitter taste in his mouth. Friend was all he would ever be to Zeb, he would never see Kallus as anything more. 

“I appreciate the gesture,” Kallus mumbled, staring at the floor as they continued walking, Zeb squeezing his shoulder. 

“It was nothin’ really.”

“It was hardly nothing to me,” Kallus said, tearing his gaze from the ground to look up at Zeb who beamed down at him in response, face burning as he registered how excitedly he had made his declaration. “I-It’s just...most people insist on kissing and I just- I-I don’t-.” Could he really tell Zeb the truth? Would Zeb still like him if he knew how broken he was?

“Yea?” Zeb soothingly asked, looking at him almost like he knew what Kallus was going to say, but that was impossible...right?

“...Fenn just is far too pushy and I had no desire to even give him the idea that there could be something.” Kallus found himself instead saying. 

“Yea I get that-” Zeb said with an awkward chuckle, ears dropping for a brief moment before perking up again. “My philosophy with people like that is ta give em a taste of what they want only to take it away before they can enjoy the moment.”

“Seems strangely cruel for you rebel sorts,” Kallus said with a smirk. 

“I’m sure he’ll eventually get over me,” Zeb said, wiggling his eyebrows seductively, a laugh escaping Kallus before he could contain it. “What! Come on you don’t think I’m attractive?” A small gasp escaped Kallus’s lips his face flushing. Yes he did find Zeb very attractive, but this was not the time nor place to admit those feelings. 

There would never really be a good time, not from him at least. 

“I think Fenn has very low standards,” Kallus instead said. 

“Hey!” Zeb grunted,dropping his arm from Kallus’s shoulders to playfully shoving him, Kallus immediately missing their warmth and comfort.

“What I mean is I think he would kriff anything as long as it had two legs,” Kallus said. “I mean come on he came onto me of all people!”

“Don’t sell yerself short,” Zeb frantically cried out, earning a raised eyebrow from Kallus. 

“I appreciate the gesture Garazeb but...well let’s just say he could certainly do better than me,” Kallus said with a small shrug. Zeb muttered something under his breath that Kallus couldn’t quite make out, 

“What was that?”

“N-nothing!” Zeb stammered, ears dropping, awkwardly swinging his arms, unable to look at Kallus. 

“Doesn’t sound like it,” Kallus pressed. 

“I just think yer way tougher on yerself then ya need to be, ya blame yerself fer things you can’t control.” 

“I deserve the blame.”

“Empire is just as much teh blame as much as you are,” Zeb said. “Moreso really.”

“Someone needs to take the blame,” Kallus said. 

“Does it have teh be you?” Zeb challenged. 

Did it? His gut answer was of course. He was involved in the crimes. He did nothing to stop them. But then Zeb was looking at him with such care and concern he couldn’t help but doubt that conviction for just a moment. If Zeb didn’t think so….

“Spectre 4 do you copy?” Zeb’s comm beeped before Kallus could work out an answer, Zeb’s ears going flat, a barely contained snarl on his lips. 

“Just a minute Hera!” Zeb snapped into his comm, wincing when Hera said, 

“Garazeb Orrelios, you are needed on the Ghost. Now.” 

“Shouldn’t have said that,” Zeb mumbled with a wince. 

“Go on,” Kallus said. “I need to get back anyways. Hopefully Rau is long gone now.”

“...I-”

“Are you coming, Spectre 4?” Hera’s voice rang out once more from the comm. 

“Comin’,” Zeb groaned into the comm, flashing an apologetic smile before turning on his heel to race over in the direction of the Ghost, Yavin feeling just a little less bright and cheery with Zeb gone. 


	3. Draven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like I had accidentally posted 3 with 2 so I'll just post three now. My bad!

He supposed it was a vain hope to think intelligence would be spared from the merciless ambushing of mistletoe. In Kallus’s defense, he had believed someone as stern and no nonsense as Draven would squash any thoughts of something as childish as the mistletoe. Kallus really should have known better by now to keep as much distance as possible. 

A part of him knew though that keeping his distance from Draven would likely lead to more problems then he was willing to deal with. It still did not make the snickering that began ringing out through the intelligence division as the surrounding rebels began to notice who was caught beneath the cursed mistletoe.

Kallus had gone over to Draven for a routine update on his work in trying to decode encrypted messages from the Empire discussing a top secret project being worked on in scattered divisions throughout the galaxy. It was big, an undertaking unlike anything the Empire had ever tried to accomplish, and that could only mean bad things for the Rebellion. So in spite of the approaching holiday, everyone in intelligence had been working tirelessly around the clock to gather as much intel on this project as possible. When the first snicker rang out very pointedly aimed at him, Kallus did everything he could to ignore it. He would not look up and would not react.

Draven it seemed was of the same mind as him, pointedly ignoring the growing reaction around them at the predicament they had found themselves in, trying to focus theory energy on the work that oh so desperately needed to get done sooner rather than later. Despite his resolve to not give into the growing crescendo of snickers, Draven was shockingly unaffected by the reaction, so Kallus stubbornly swallowed down his raging emotions and tried to mirror Dravens uncaring expression. 

He’d spent most of his career in ISB keeping his emotions in check, never letting anyone see an emotion he had not actively decided to let show through. He could keep himself in check here. 

Or so he kept telling himself. In the Empire they did not so openly mock, they subtly belittled and threatened. Playing mental games with their victim to tear their morale apart bit by bit. This was a new beast, being surrounded by open snickering and laughter that rang through his ears, piercing his skull and forcing out every other thought from his mind. 

Logically he knew no one could actually die from embarrassment, but Kallus was beginning to wonder if somehow he would prove to be the exception and suddenly combust from the shame he was feeling. Should he say something? Try to subtly move them from beneath the vile plant so maybe the snickering would stop? 

Kallus nervously pushed his hair back off of his face, taking a deep breath to get himself back under control, opening his mouth to speak- 

A loud wolf whistle rang out across the room, silencing the snickering agents as everyone turned to face the offender. 

“Fenn,” Kallus growled. He was going to kill him. 

“I think that might violate a few HR rules my friend,” Rau teasingly called out amidst the painful silence that filled the area. A single twitch of Dravens mouth was the only warning of the sheer rage hidden beneath his otherwise calm expression. In one swift movement Draven grabbed his blaster, pointed it at the ceiling and pulled the trigger, frying the mistletoe, ash raining on their heads. 

“If I hear one more mention of that damned plant you will all be working double shifts through the rest of the holiday,” Draven growled. “Am I understood?” A few meek “Yes sir’s” rang throughout the room as people scrambled to get back to work in fear of Draven’s ire, Rau even having the good sense to make himself scarce before Draven could lay eyes on him. Once Kallus was relatively certain no one was listening, Kallus mumbled, 

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

“Next time, do it,” Draven hissed, Kallus not having a chance to respond before he turned heel and stomped out of the intelligence division.


	4. Kanan

With how many times he’d been ambushed under the mistletoe, Kallus was starting to wonder if he should just hole himself up at his desk in the intelligence department and stay there until the holiday was over. There were only so many times he could get away without kissing someone under the mistletoe in an environment that actively encouraged such open displays of affection. One of the few ways the Empire had benefited him: in the Empire when someone tried to start a relationship he could cite one of the many rules they would be violating by doing so and get away without hurting any feelings or making anyone wonder what was wrong with him. 

In the Empire not showing affection or being in a relationship was a strength. No one had to know he didn’t feel strong sexual attraction to other beings. No one had to know he didn’t like kissing near strangers. If Kallus was honest, he didn’t know there was anyone he’d want to kiss until Zeb. 

Zeb. Sweet, kind, compassionate Zeb. The one being who took the time to get to know him, to listen to him and his struggles, to empathize and care. He’d never felt this way about someone before, but he supposed that always seemed to be the case when it came to Zeb. It was apparently his life mission to turn every aspect of Kallus’s life upside down. 

And he loved Zeb for it. 

Kallus knew there was a word for people like him. Deep down, he knew there were other people like him who did not find pleasure in casual flings, people who needed to bond and grow close before being able to take that step. Knew that if anyone could accept that part of him it would be these Rebels that defied every other conventional norm to forge a new path of love and care. Despite the Empires disdain for affection, he would still be considered a freak, unnatural. Wrong. 

Knowing how the Empire was, how could the Rebels be all that different? All normal beings had needs that needed to be satisfied, didn’t care how or where they got it so long as the need was met. Unlike Kallus.

Could Zeb want him if he knew that even now despite loving Zeb with every fiber of his being that he wasn’t ready to go further than kissing? That he needed time? Most beings only got into relationships for sex, and without that….who could ever want him?

It didn’t matter, Zeb was not interested in him anyways so there was no reason to think about it. He would just have to bury his feelings and treasure Zeb’s friendship. Kallus stared listlessly into the now cool cup of caf in his hands, the word friend dancing around his mind, taunting him. It seemed the galaxy was going out of its way to punish his mere existence at every turn. 

“Kallus,” Kanan called out, snapping him out of his spiraling thoughts.

“Good morning Kanan,” Kallus kindly greeted, setting his mug down on the counter, leaning back against it. “There's caf already made.”

“Thanks,” Kanan said with a grin, easily maneuvering his way through the galley to grab a mug for himself before heading over to the machine to pour himself a cup. “What brings you over here?”

“I was sent over to debrief everyone from your last mission,” Kallus said. 

“Huh, usually they want us to come to intelligence,” Kanan thoughtfully said. 

“I think Bridger and Wren’s insistence on hanging mistletoe everywhere fueled the decision,” Kallus admitted, glancing up above him on autopilot, freezing when he saw that indeed he and Kanan were standing beneath the mistletoe. 

_Not again…._ Kallus internally groaned. If he just pretended it wasn’t there, Kanan would never know and they could just walk away as if nothing happened-

“...we’re standing under the mistletoe aren’t we?” Kanan asked, snapping Kallus out of his thoughts. 

“I doubt I could fool you if I said no,” Kallus mumbled, earning a chuckle from Kanan who said, 

“No you couldn’t.” Before Kallus could even think of what to say Kanan continued, “No one else is here, this could be our little secret--no one has to know we just walked away.”

“Really?” Kallus asked a little too eagerly, a playful grin breaking out across Kanan’s face. 

“I don’t think Hera would mind but I can tell you would mind.”

“Is it that obvious?” Kallus mumbled. 

“There's nothing wrong with not wanting to kiss someone,” Kanan assured. “I get the feeling though that there is someone you wish you were standing here with.” 

“There is,” Kallus softly admitted, the words falling from his lips before he could stop them, a fantasy filling his mind of the warm hand holding his being Zeb’s, his soft lips brushing against his with a sigh- but no. With a pained sigh, Kallus pulled his hand away, the fantasy shattering around him. “He could never want me.”

“Why?” Kanan gently asked. 

“I’m broken,” Kallus said with a head shake. “I’m wrong-”

“You’re not broken,” Kanan assured. 

“You don’t understand-”

“I do,” Kanan said. “I can feel it, it takes a long time for you to feel comfortable with intimacy, you need to know someone on a personal level before you feel safe entering a relationship.”

“H-how-”

“It’s screaming through the force,” Kanan said with a shrug. “You feel wrong because of it...you feel like because of it you fit in better in the Empire.”

“...That sounds...messed up when you say it like that…” Kallus mumbled. 

“It’s how you feel,” Kanan said with a shrug. “I understand being afraid but… you don’t have to be. Zeb’s feelings for you are strong. It won’t bother him that you need to take things slow-”

“You can’t possibly know that for sure!” Kallus exclaimed. 

“I’ve known Zeb for a long time,” Kanan said. “That’s just how he is.”

“Even if that’s true,” Kallus said, trying desperately to squash the small spark of his hope that warmed his chest, “my sins are far too great to ever be deserving of a being like Zeb’s love.”

“That’s hardly something for you to decide,” Kanan said. 

“I’m not deciding, just accepting that as fact,” Kallus corrected with a shrug.

“You thinking that’s true hardly makes it fact,” Kanan argued. 

“If it’s true, though,” Kallus intervened. “I was there on Lasan Kanan and I did nothing to stop what happened. I had a hand in destroying Lasan, there is no forgiving that.”

“I can’t forgive you for Lasan,” Kanan agreed, “And you cannot change Lasan….but Zeb can forgive you and has. A long time ago in fact.”

“He- You’re just saying that to make me feel better,” Kallus mumbled, looking anywhere but Kanan. 

“Why would he want to make you feel better if you were not forgiven?” Kanan gently asked. 

“Because he’s my friend-” Kallus said, cutting himself off.

“Would he want to be your friend if he didn’t forgive you?” 

“...maybe being friends is in my head,” Kallus mumbled, wrapping his arms around himself. 

“Do you really think that?” Kanan asked. 

“...I don’t know what to think,” Kallus mumbled, completely oblivious to the heavy footsteps coming closer until a familiar voice said, 

“Oh um….” Kallus jerking his head up to meet Zeb’s nervous gaze.

“Zeb, I- Uh, we-” Kallus stammered, trying to find a way to explain he did not want to kiss Kanan, nor had they kissed, without somehow offending the Jedi. 

“Don’t worry big guy,” Kanan said, stepping away from the mistletoe, making his way out of the galley, caf seemingly forgotten, adding as he reached Zeb, “There is only one person I would ever dream of kissing.” 

“Should I be offended?” Kallus called to Kanan’s retreating form. 

“No,” Kanan assured. “But I know someone who should be grateful.”

“What does that mean?” Kallus asked, face flushing at the implication.

“He knows,” Kanan declared a little too gleefully. 

“I uh- I-I gotta go,” Zeb stammered, “Uh Hera uh- she needs me!” Before turning and exiting the galley leaving Kallus, more confused than ever, in his wake. Did Zeb….like him?


	5. Zeb

With the ever growing pile of data being sent to Kallus’s desk, he hardly had a spare moment to try and think on what Kanan’s comment, and Zeb’s reaction to it, meant. Did Zeb really like him? Was it truly not just wishful thinking on his part? Could he really look at kallus and share his feelings for him despite… Well, everything? 

It was too much to hope for and yet… Kanan seemed to believe there was hope. Jedi were the ones to bring hope to the hopeless. Though that did not mean that the hope would not end up being unfounded in the end. For now, all Kallus could really do was file the confusing emotions away until he had a moment to try and process it all. 

Kallus had always been good at filing away emotions he was not ready to try and deal with. 

Until now of course. 

Now all he seemed capable of doing was reading the same line of information over and over again, never processing any of the information he was supposed to be reading. All he could think about was one being: Zeb. 

He knew it was ridiculous, but he couldn’t help but hope he could will the Lasat to his side to try and drag him away from his seemingly endless pile of work for some much needed relaxation. He couldn’t say yes to the request, but he would by lying if he said he didn’t hope Zeb would stop by just so he could see him. 

It was a silly hope, but it at least helped him keep up the willpower to keep working, it would not do for Zeb to see him nodding off on his desk after all. 

“Looks like someone can use a break,” 

“Zeb!” Kallus cried, sitting up rapidly, accidentally knocking over a pile of flimsy he’d been working on, blushing at his overexcited reaction to Zeb’s presence, ducking down to pick up the scattered flimsy as a way to hide his embarrassment. 

“Heh, someone’s clearly working too hard if I startled ya that much,” Zeb said with a nervous chuckle. 

“I uh- I was just deep in thought is all,” Kallus mumbled, trying to move as slowly as possible, willing his cheeks to cool down again. How did Zeb constantly leave him a blushing mess?

“Ya look ready ta fall asleep,” Zeb chided, kneeling down to help him clean up the mess, Kallus’s heart doing flip flops at the gesture. 

“We are so close to unlocking the secrets of the Empire’s biggest, most secretive project it has ever undertaken in its history,” Kallus said, reaching for the last flimsy. “We c-ca-” Zeb’s hand was there on top of his, both having reached for the flimsy at the same time, the pair glancing up at the same moment, eyes locked in a moment that stretched on.

“S-sorry,” Zeb mumbled, removing his hand and glancing away, shattering the moment. 

“I should be apologizing to you,” Kallus said, swallowing the lump in his throat. He was being ridiculous. Kanan was wrong….right?

“Huh?” Zeb asked, tilting his head to the side. 

“I’m a disorganized mess right now,” Kallus said, awkwardly pushing his hair out of his face before adjusting his jacket.

“That tends ta happen when you work so much overtime,” Zeb answered sternly. “Look, I know this is important stuff but….ya gotta rest sometimes. You’re no good to anyone if you pass out from exhaustion.”

“Zeb-”

“Look, I know you feel like you need to do this...but it would really make me feel better if you at least stopped fer lunch. I uh- I-I made plenty of food enough fer the both of us….”

“Y-you cooked?” Kallus asked momentarily stunned by the intimate gesture.

“I uh y-yea….” Zeb mumbled, “I hoped...well um if I cooked fer ya, you might actually eat somethin’....” Kallus didn’t know how to respond to Zeb’s words, a tidal wave of emotions nearly knocking him to the ground. Zeb cooked specifically for him in the hopes of convincing him to take a break? Kallus was certain he would melt as his heart did somersaults in his chest, threatening to burst from his chest and start singing its adoration for everything that was Zeb.

“I uh….I suppose you were right,” Kallus finally croaked out, setting down the stack of flimsy with shaking hands. “It would be rude to not at least try this meal you made.”

“Really?” Zeb asked, ears perking up. 

“Of course,” Kallus said, Zeb’s grin widening as he said,

“It’s on the Ghost, nice and quiet, I know you don’t really like the mess ‘n all.” Kallus had never mentioned not being comfortable eating in the mess, but he should not have been surprised Zeb had picked up on that. It was not exactly a secret that he was not at all liked by anyone in the Rebellion. Not that he could blame them. Not after all he had done to so many innocent people in the galaxy.

“Thank you, Zeb,” Kallus whispered as they made their way out of the intelligence department, none of the few remaining officers even bothering to glance at the pair. Most had long since left for a well deserved lunch break. Most of the temple was thankfully relatively quiet. Kallus was not sure how common it was for most everyone to eat at once, but it would not surprise him if it was. The Rebels always struck him as the sort to prioritize time with loved one’s.

Was he a loved one to Zeb? 

Kallus let out a happy hum at the feeling of the sun's warm beams hitting his skin. Ever since Bahryn Kallus had been prone to running on the cold side, a near constant ache radiating around his injured leg, made worse since Thrawn nearly rebroke it above Attolon. 

“Heh,” Zeb softly chuckled, breaking Kallus out of his reverie, realizing with embarrassment he had actually stopped to bask in the sunlight. 

“What?” Kallus asked. 

“Yer like a loth cat,” Zeb said, without a trace of mockery or malice, a painfully fond smile on his face. They were friends, friends playfully teased one another. This was normal. 

This was not teasing though, the words may have been teasing, but they were used in a way that sounded far more like a compliment then teasing. “S-Should I be insulted?” Kallus managed to ask. 

“You Imperial types think everythin’ is an insult,” Zeb said with a shake of his head, leading Kallus to the Ghost.

“Usually it is,” Kallus argued. 

“Maybe before, but not here,” Zeb firmly said. 

“Maybe from you,” Kallus corrected. 

“And my family,” Zeb hastily added. 

“Sometimes,” Kallus corrected, thinking of Ezra and Sabine’s multiple mistletoe shenanigans. 

“It’s just playful pranks,” Zeb said as they walked up the ramp to the Ghost. “It means they see ya as family.” 

“I-I’m hardly family,” Alex stammered. 

“Do you think we would break into an imperial facility for anyone? Or go back to rescue someone in an escape pod when we’re frantically trying to escape?” 

“You went to Lothal to rescue Tua,” Kallus argued, stopping in the hallway to face Zeb who curiously turned to face him. “I may mean something to you Garazeb but I don’t think those feelings extend to the rest of your family.”

“Don’t sell yerself short,” Zeb soothingly said, placing a warm hand on his shoulder, squeezing it affectionately. “Sides, they can’t pull the mistletoe trick for much longer.”

“That is the one thing about Life Day I will not miss,” Kallus groaned. 

“I can tell,” Zeb said, looking at him curiously. 

“I suppose it’s only fair I tell you why I don’t like mistletoe,” Kallus nervously said. 

“You don’t have’ta,” Zeb mumbled, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. 

“I-I want to,” Kallus admitted, nervously running a hand through his hair. “You’ve been so patient with me being so paranoid and you deserve to know why I am being so ridiculous.” 

“Yer not ridiculous,” Zeb assured. 

“It’s just-” Kallus began anyways, the words tumbling out of his mouth out of control, “I’ve never really been able to get into relationships before. I just- people would want to jump right into everything and I just- I don’t enjoy any of that stuff so the mistletoe- it just brings back up all of those messy and unpleasant feelings.”

“....I’m so sorry ‘Lex,” Zeb softly said, ears drooping against his head. 

“It’s not your fault-”

“I know,” Zeb interrupted. “But...Karabast why can’t people respect other people not wantin’ certain thin’s?” 

“People can’t imagine some people not wanting the same things as they want,” Kallus said with a shrug, grateful Zeb seemed to be taking this well. 

“It’s real stupid,” Zeb grumbled, ears flattening in anger, a small smile dancing across Kallus’s lips. Zeb’s ears were a window into his soul. With Zeb nothing was truly hidden. Kallus could know every thought Zeb had just by looking at his ears. It was so refreshing being around someone whom he didn’t have to second guess himself around. 

“To be honest,” Kallus tentatively began, fingers playing with the zipper of his jacket, “your support….is all I could ever really need.”

“Wait- really?” Zeb asked, ears perking up and staring at Kallus in shock, frozen in the doorway. Kallus paused to lock eyes with him.

“Truly,” Kallus assured. “To be honest….you’re the first true friend I have ever had….and that means the galaxy to me.”

“I-I don’t know what to say to that….” Zeb mumbled, ears dropping down again, Kallus’s heart frozen in his chest. Had he said something that offended him? Did Zeb not want to be his friend?

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend-”

“Huh?” Zeb asked, ears tilting to the side as Zeb tilted his head. 

“You seem upset-”

“Not at you!” Zeb hurriedly cried. “Just- I feel bad...and….how many other buckets...are really like you? Kind, compassionate, loyal….lost.” 

“Thanks to the Empire...far too many,” Kallus mumbled, clenching his fists, eyes squeezed shut thinking of every bright eyed cadet who had and would soon walk through the doors of the Imperial Academy only to have their souls slowly beaten and stripped away until only an empty husk remained. “So many lives are destroyed before they ever have a chance to enter the battlefield.”

A warm hand rested on his shoulder, recentering him and grounding him. “That’s what we’re tryin’ to fix. We’ll save ‘em. As many as we can at least.” Kallus looked up to meet Zeb’s warm and sincere gaze.

“Zeb, I-” Kallus began, freezing when his gaze caught a flash of green, glancing further up to find the offending mistletoe once again innocently dangling above him. Maybe this was finally his chance, the force or something had finally decided to put him beneath the mistletoe with the one being he wanted more than anything to kiss. 

Maybe that was why he kept being shoved under this damned thing with so many other people, to make him see that, to give him the courage to do so. 

“What are ya-” Zeb began, following Kallus’s gaze with a groan. “Karabast those damned kids-”

“Z-Zeb-” Kallus gasped, desperately trying to find the words to assure Zeb, to tell him he didn’t mind if Zeb kissed him, that he wanted Zeb to kiss him. 

“I-I know you don’t like kissing strangers,” Zeb awkwardly said. “I won’t push you to kiss me I-I get it we’re friends-”

“I-” Kallus stammered, trying to interrupt, trying to tell Zeb he was wrong, he didn’t want to be his friend, he wanted to be Zeb’s everything. The one he fell asleep beside every night, the one he rushed back to base to greet after a hard mission, the one he shared his fears and concerns with. The one he shared his life with. Kallus scrambled to find the words to express all of this to Zeb, but the words were stuck in his throat. 

“It’s okay you don’t have to say anything-”

“I-I trust you Zeb-” Kallus whispered, looking up at Zeb’s shocked face. 

“I would never-”

“I know,” Kallus assured, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt unconsciously. “You’re too good of a man, but I-I-” Why was it so hard to get the words out? 

“I get it,” Zeb assured, Kallus’s heart freezing in his chest, fingers pausing their movements. Zeb knew, he knew and he hated him- “ya feel weird keep getting ambushed under the mistletoe and I hear ya.” 

“W-wha-”

“Don’t feel bad though,” Zeb assured. “Ya don’t have te ever kiss someone ya don’t want teh.” 

“I-I know but-”

“...but?” Zeb breathlessly asked as Kallus tentatively reached out to take Zeb’s hand, his other hand continuing to play with the hem of his shirt. _I don’t mind being here with you, I want you to kiss me, I’ve wanted you to kiss me ever since I climbed out of that escape pod-_ If he just opened his mouth and said the words. 

“I….” _I feel safe with you. I trust you. I want you-_ “I mean….it’s just a mistletoe right? It hardly means anything right?”

“R-right….” Zeb mumbled, ears drooping, looking anywhere but Kallus, Kallus’s nerves started getting the better of him as he started rambling,

“All I mean to say is since the first time I was stuck under one of these I started doing some research to learn more about why people would subject themselves to being kissed be strangers and it turns out it started as an ancient ritual for forming treaties as the mistletoe is a sign of peace and love. There are various texts on how the mistletoe was used in these meetings some say the berries were exchanges as the final acceptance of the treaty others say they were merely decoration and that marriage, which involves kissing, was how the treaty was formalized.” 

Maker, why was he talking about treaties when all he wanted to do was kriffing kiss Zeb breathless? Subconsciously Kallus’s hand moved to comb back his hair, anything to keep himself somewhat distracted for the seemingly endless rambling that was coming from his mouth.

“Regardless everyone can agree that eventually the traditional mistletoe changed to solely be for winter weddings since they bloom in winter and over time they were used to decorate wedding receptions where people drunken couples would find their later soul mates under the mistletoe which evolved into a much more innocent version of kissing under the mistletoe and I’m rambling right now aren’t I-”

Kallus suddenly cut himself off at the feeling of warmth on his cheek and the slow realization that Zeb was pulling away from him where he’d left a soft kiss on his cheek before slipping out of the room, the door swooshing shut behind him, leaving Kallus breathless and red faced in the doorway, barely able to find the words to speak. 

Zeb had kissed him. 

Zeb had kissed him and then run away.

Was he ashamed of him? Did it mean as much to Zeb as it did to him? Why was he such an idiot? With a miserable groan, Kallus leaned against the wall, sliding down until he hit the ground with a loud thunk that echoed through the empty hallway. 

Was he doomed to be forever alone?


	6. And + 1

Zeb really was a monster. If Alex knew the thoughts Zeb had about him late at night in his bunk, Alex would loathe him. He certainly loathed himself for thinking those thoughts even when he knew how Alex felt about it. He knew Alex was not one who was comfortable with intimacy, he didn’t want to kiss someone, didn’t get any pleasure from taking someone to bed. 

What had he been thinking? Why did he kiss Kallus like that when he’d made it clear he thought of Zeb only as a friend? He could have just walked away and not done anything and Alex would have been none the wiser! But no, he just had to give into his selfish feelings and kiss Alex. Karabast, he deserved so much better then him!

Why did he waste his time with Zeb of all people? He was smart and good looking, there had to be so many more interesting people who would be happy to share their company with someone as brave and amazing as Alex was. 

As much as his heart yearned for the former Imperial, he could never be with him. They were friends, and he needed to respect and cherish that gift. He would not risk Alex’s friendship to sate his selfish desires. It was not worth it. 

How was he supposed to do that though with all of these force forsaken mistletoe around the ship? 

“Karabast!” Zeb roared, lashing out to punch the wall of his cabin, leaving a deep dent to go with the claw marks that marred the wall by his bed, all of the rage instantly leaving his body as he deflated, pressing his forehead against the cool metal of the bed. He really kriffed this up, hadn’t he? He probably had already lost Alex’s friendship with that kiss, even if he would never say so. He was far too honorable for that. 

Maybe he needed to do the honorable thing now and simply stay as far away from Alex as possible. Alex would never be one to go out of his way to avoid Zeb, so he would just have to do it for him. Zeb’s gut twisted painfully at the thought of not being around Alex again, but for him to slowly grow distant, them inching further and further apart with nothing for Zeb to do to stop it? That pain would be indescribable. 

No, this was for the best, as sick as it made him. But first. He was going to tear the vile mistletoe off of this ship and burn them all, damn whatever the kids thought. With an angry grunt, Zeb opened the door to his room, nearly running into Alex who was standing there, one first raised as if to knock on the door. 

“A-Alex-” Zeb stammered as Alex said, 

“I- Sorry-” Both cutting off awkwardly as they registered the other was speaking, a nervous chuckle filling the air, neither certain who should speak. 

“You were-”

“Did you need to-” Both began saying, another nervous laugh echoing through the hallway. 

“Apologies,” Alex said, “You were saying something?” 

“Just was goin’ teh ask what you were doin’ here?” Zeb asked, his hand reaching behind him to scratch the back of his neck nervously. 

“I uh, I wanted, no, needed to see you,” Alex said, looking into Zeb’s eyes with determination. 

“I-Is this about the mistletoe thing?” Zeb asked, throat tightening. Maybe he was wrong about Alex not shunning him for what happened.

“Yes,” Alex said, voice softening. “Zeb...maybe I am destined to be forever alone but...after that kiss, I needed to say this.”

“I am so sorry I shouldn’t have done that-” Zeb began stammering, eyes locking onto another mistletoe hanging above them. With a frustrated growl, Zeb reached up to yank it down, only for Alex to reach out and grab his hand, halting his movements as he said, 

“You missed.” 

“I...what?” Zeb asked, staring at Alex in shock. 

“I- I had something much better than this rehearsed,” Alex groaned, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment as he rubbed them before continuing, locking eyes with Zeb once more. “What I am trying to say is….You matter to be Garazeb. So much. More than anyone has ever mattered to me. I told you earlier I don’t enjoy physical affection…” Slowly Alex turned Zeb’s hand with his own so their hands were clasped together, “As you always seem to do….you’ve proved me wrong.”

“I-I don’t-” Zeb stammered, struggling to understand what Alex was saying, a part of him hoping he did understand, but another fearing he had this all wrong. 

“I love you Zeb,” Alex said. “I want you to kiss me right here, right now beneath the mistletoe and I want to keep kissing you long after these berries have dried out and the holiday spirit is gone.”

“I-I don’t-”

“I’m demisexual, Zeb,” Alex said. “Some people...we need to feel a deep personal connection with someone before we can feel comfortable starting a relationship with them and...for me at least...that’s what we are. You understand me in ways no one has ever bothered to before and despite knowing the dark messed up stuff...you still choose to call me a friend.”

“Of course I call ya a friend,” Zeb said. “There's so much to like.” 

Alex ducked his head, an embarrassed chuckle passing through his lips. 

“And,” Zeb continued, Alex looking back up at him between his bangs that had fallen to cover his face, Zeb tenderly reaching out with his free hand to brush them away, leaning in close. “I really want teh kiss ya too.” 

“Then what are you waiting for?” Alex breathed. 

It was all the invitation Zeb needed to close the gap with a soft sigh, Alex melting into the kiss, into _him._ It was everything he had imagined, soft, gentle, perfect. 

Far too soon, Alex pulled away with a small gasp, looking up at him with such a tender and joyful look that stole his breath away for the second time. 

“...can we do that again?” Alex softly asked, earning a joyful laugh from Zeb, 

“I’ll kiss ya as many times as ya want,” Zeb declared before closing the gap again. 

Later they would have to talk about boundaries and what Alex could and could not comfortably handle. But for now, Zeb would give him all the kisses beneath the mistletoe he wanted.


End file.
